Infertility is an issue that I honestly never thought we would have to struggle with. Since we were able to have Jack with relatively no problems, I always assumed we'd perfectly space our four-or-so children two years apart and call it good. But with anything in life, things rarely turn out exactly how we plan them. We decided to try for another child in March 2009 and made sure to carefully wean my body off of some high-risk medication that I'd been taking. We didn't expect things to happen right away but we hoped for a pregnancy by Christmas. As the months passed, we tried to not get discouraged. I kept telling myself that there had to be a reason for the delay.
In 2010, Ty applied for the agent position and we really focused our energy and time on the career change. By September, we knew he'd be heading off to Virginia sometime in the near future. I told myself that this was why Heavenly Father hadn't blessed us with a child yet--it would be much more difficult to be on my own with a small baby. It seemed to make sense and I was sure that once I got to Virginia, I'd be able to get pregnant. I have to admit, there were a few times that adoption crossed my mind, but all I could think was that I wanted my own baby. Surely, we just needed to be more patient.
Once again, things did not turn out how I'd planned them. We had a wonderful time living on the other side of the country, but the pregnancy I had anticipated did not happen. When we returned to Phoenix in June of last year, we started the tests. And drugs. And treatments. But every test came back "normal" and every doctor told us we were "fine." We had three unsuccessful rounds of IUI. We were told that the only option left for us was IVF.
In January, after lots of fasting and prayer, we decided to pursue adoption. It was not an easy decision. Honestly, I thought that maybe if I stopped obsessing about pregnancy so much it would happen and we wouldn't have to adopt after all! Obviously, that didn't happen and it's not going to happen. I still don't understand why we've had to endure this trial. Maybe I never will. But, I know that in this three-year waiting period my heart has been softened completely toward adoption. I truly believe that Heavenly Father does have a plan for our family. When the time is right, I know that He will help us to find the baby that is meant for us. And that baby will be my own. My very own.
So, we're waiting happily and hopefully.
5 comments:
Since starting our family, Brad and I have come to the realization that we are not the ones in control. I was with you, I had my plan of when to have our kids, and it was going to happen without a hitch (hahahaha!). It's always amazing to me to look back and see the Lord's hand so obviously in directing us to where we needed to be and what we needed to be doing. I'm so excited for you to adopt. I have a friend who placed her baby with a family when we were in college. It was a difficult time for her, but so much peace came with choosing her daughter's family. Adoption is incredible! It's an amazing blessing. One of our friends adopted a baby under some very unique circumstances. On placement day, my friend was beside herself. She said she had feelings of guilt, not wanting to "take" someone's baby. Her case worker told her, "If you could draw back the veil, you would see that this baby was always meant to be yours. She just came to you in a different way." I pray you don't have to wait too long. Adoption is amazing.
Keeping you in our prayers. I had chills and tears reading your post ... so heartfelt. Keep happy and hopeful!
Everything happens for a reason. Heavenly Father gives us these trials to make us stronger. Just think how much better you are from this long journey. This is a great article on trials: http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2012/04/mountains-to-climb?lang=eng
We can't wait to meet your new little one that Heavenly Father is preparing to enter your family.
Can't wait to meet your new baby- whenever it happens! There isn't a better mom around than you!
Wonderful post! We will be praying that your family will be blessed with a new little one when the time is right! You are amazing people and someone will find you and be so happy to know that their baby will have such a wonderful home and family!
We miss you guys! Wish we lived closer!
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